Letter to Santa from a Trini girl

Dear Santa.

Ah know yuh muh be wondain’ why ah writin’ to yuh oney one day after Christmas, buh after openin’ meh presents
yesterday, ah had to write yuh.

Santa ah was ah very good gyurl all year rong. Ah listen to meh mudder when she talk to meh (someting ah does hardly do) ah help out wit’ wuk rong de house, ah even help de neighbor chirrun do dey wuk. Ah help da bad ole Mr.George cross de street when de uder chirrun, just eh budder wit him. Santa ah study real hard in school dis year, so hard dat ah finish firs in meh class.
Ah make it meh duty to be nice an’ not wicked.

Santa when ah write meh Christmas list to yuh, ah ask yuh for ah Barbie princess doll, ah Barbie kitchen, ah Dora de Explorer computer game, ah cabbage patch doll an’ a monopoly game. So Santa how de fuck after readin’ meh lis’ yuh go leave under de Christmas tree ah shity, fuckin’ light up yo-yo, ah mudder-cunt plastic tea-set an’ ah fuckin’ no name dolly dat look like she have fuckin’ polio. Santa is like yuh fuckin’ blind or yuh cyah fuckin’ read!

Every year ah say ah go stop believin’ in yuh fuckin’ ass an’ like ah fool ah does always give yuh ah anudder chance but not
ah-fuckin’-gain. Yuh fuckin’ fat ass dead wit’ me, yuh hear meh. Ah say, yuh dead. Ah waitin’ for yuh, mudder cunt next
year. Yuh better doh try to clime yuh fat ass dong meh chimney yuh know, because Santa ah swear ah go fuck yuh up. Just imagine yuh give dat lil cokeyeye Betty from across de road everyting dat she ask for, dat she ehn have room to walk rong she house. Santa, yuh see you an’ dem fuckin’ reindeer allyuh better t’ink twice bout lan’in’ on meh house nex year yuh know, especially dat fuckin’ Rudolph. Let him just blink he fuckin’ shiney red nose jus once. Ah swear he go wish dat it was green because ah go out he fuckin’ light so fast you an’ dem chupid-ass Reindeer ehn go see all yuh way back to de fuckin’ Nort’ Pole.

Nex year, ah go be meh good old self, causin’ trouble rong de fuckin’ neighborhood an’ waitin’ patiently wit’ ah big stone for yuh fat fuckin’ ass to come Ho-Hoin’ on meh roof top.

Lil Jenny.

Mr. Santa Clause


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